I felt frozen and helpless when I saw a man abusing his son. Kitty and I like to go to the local park and many of the local kids and families do as well. I was pushing Kitty on the bucket swings one day next to one of the neighboring fathers, who was pushing hisContinue reading “Witnessing Covert Child Abuse on the Playground”
I am seeing how Kitty learns, and it is a revelation to me: instead of feeling like I am teaching her, it feels more like a conversation between us. A few months ago, I realized that Kitty wasn’t going to master the alphabet without a compelling reason and some sort of organizing principle beyond “alphabeticalContinue reading “Conversations With a Four-Year-Old about Reading”
How do we know if someone is abusive? We need a way to sort the potentially abusive people from those we can trust. After ending my relationship with Jack, I ran into some unexpected problems. Among them was the realization that Jack was (and is) emotionally abusive. I knew I was unhappy, I knew IContinue reading “Sorting Trustworthy People from Potentially Abusive People”
Jack can use a statement such as “I miss you” like a barbed wire to tie up Kitty emotionally Jack says things to Kitty that seem very wrong to me. About a year ago, Kitty came back from her visit with him and told me, “Jack says this isn’t my home. His place is myContinue reading “Emotionally Manipulative Statements Made to a Preschooler”
Pain is really hard for Kitty. Really. Really. Hard. And surgery inevitably causes pain. So the question becomes, “Pain now or potential pain later? Surgery or …?” A couple of weeks ago we made the umpteenth journey from “Smallville” to “Megopolis” for an appointment to check on Kitty’s physical disability. This time the doctor recommendedContinue reading “Contemplating Yet Another Surgery For a Small Child”
Many, many books that discuss the idea of abuse make a broad assumption that a person will only become entangled in abusive relationships if he or she has experienced abuse in the home and/or close intimate family and that if you have a happy childhood it will protect you from abusive relationships. I believe thisContinue reading “When You Don’t Know That It’s Abuse”
A person with counterwill attachment may be able to “fake” maturity–right up to the point that their primary attachment parent dies. It was when Jack’s father died a few years ago that things started to go precipitously downhill in our relationship (although I now realize that there were definite problems before then). Jack refused toContinue reading “Death of a Parent and Counterwill-Based Attachment in Adults”
The other week my mother started reading Spark Joy, by Marie Kondo. She shared with me Ms. Kondo’s ideas for keeping a kitchen clean and tidy. We decided to try putting some of her tips into action because, despite thoroughly going through our kitchen several times, it still felt cluttered. Basically what Marie Kondo recommendsContinue reading “Tidying with a Four Year Old”
Helping Kitty build confidence as she explores the world of reading. Recently I wrote about how Kitty is learning letters and numbers in 15 second chunks. I thought it might help to explain a bit more about how I determine the content of those lightning-quick lessons. Right now, Kitty recognizes most letters most of theContinue reading “15 Second Lesson Plans”
Once validation has been turned off in a relationship, intimacy is effectively over. When you can’t be open with someone or they can’t be open with you anymore, you can’t be emotionally or spiritually close to each other. We all have close and not-so-close relationships with those around us. I’ve spent an inordinate amount ofContinue reading “Validation and Intimacy”
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